[woman] Hello!

[TITLE CARD] THE DECAMERON: BLOOPER REEL 

Tony Hale (as Sirsco) [grunting]

[lively orchestral music playing]

Amar Chadha-Patel (as Dioneo): Hello?

[Lou Gala exclaiming]

Amar Chadha-Patel (as Dioneo): Oh right.

[scattered laughter]

Douggie McMeekin (as Tindaro): Squeeze! I feel another bout of dizziness coming on. [laughing]

[all laughing] 

Zosia Mamet (as Pampinea): Yeah, OK.

Tony Hale (as Sirisco): Yeah.

Zosia Mamet (as Pampinea): Yeah.

[both laughing]

[Tony Hale snickering]

[all laughing]

[laughing]

Amar Chadha-Patel (as Dioneo): What is that, by the way?

Amar Chadha-Patel (as Dioneo): Oh, I’d love to, but there’s a plane.

Lou Gala (as Neifile): Plane story … situation …

Amar Chadha-Patel (as Dioneo):  I can’t do it. Your exhaustive experience with lesser women …

[Douggie McMeekin (as Tindaro) blubbering] 

Douggie McMeekin (as Tindaro): Which is why — [blubbering]

[clacking]

Amar Chadha-Patel (as Dioneo): Filomena, forgive me. You’re right in front of the camera. 

Karan Gill (as Panfilo): Sorry. I looked at the camera. Right in the lens. [clearing throat]

Tony Hale (as Sirisco): Like this?

Jessica Plummer (as Filomena): Where are we looking?

Tanya Reynolds (as Lisca): I don’t know.

[both chuckling]

Woman: OK. Oh!

[laughing] 

Man: I was waiting for it.

[Douggie straining]

[producer speaking indistinctly]

Douggie McMeekin (as Tindaro): I said go away!

[screaming]

Woman: You cannot.

[yelling]

Woman: You … [chuckling]

Douggie McMeekin (as Tindaro): ******* hell.

Woman: You cannot.

[yelling]

[both laughing]

[Tony Hale grunting]

Saoirse-Monica Jackson (as Misia): Oh my God. I’m so sorry!

[Tony Hale laughing]

Saoirse-Monica Jackson (as Misia): I am so sorry!

Tony Hale: We got a gag reel!

Saoirse-Monica Jackson (as Misia): Oh my God. I’m so sorry!

Tony Hale: Ooh!

[all exclaiming]

[director] Cut!

[clacking]

[Tanya grunting, exclaiming]

[groaning loudly]

Karan Gill (as Panfilo): Oh my God. It's a —

Amar Chadha-Patel (as Dioneo): What?!

Producer: Get the cat …

Amar Chadha-Patel (as Dioneo): There’s a cat here.

Saoirse-Monica Jackson (as Misia): Aye, the duck is chilling. 

Zosia Mamet (as Pampinea): The duck is straight chilling. 

Saoirse-Monica Jackson (as Misia): The duck is chilling. I love you, duck! I love you, duck! 

Saoirse-Monica Jackson (as Misia): Don’t touch that ******* duck.

[Zosia laughing, chortling]

[Saoirse chuckling]

[both kissing loudly]

Tony Hale: Great.

[whispering] 

Zosia Mamet (as Pampinea): How would Leonardo have kissed me?

[inhaling deeply, smacking lips] 

Tony Hale (as Sirisco): Like, um …

[both laughing]

Amar Chadha-Patel (as Dioneo): Filomena thinks you’re the most handsome man because she has fallen in love with you.

[Douggie McMeekin (as Tindaro) laughing]

Amar Chadha-Patel (as Dioneo): Oh no!

Amar Chadha-Patel (as Dioneo): Because she has fallen in love with you.

[Douggie laughing]

[all laughing] 

Douggie McMeekin (as Tindaro): I’m so sorry, Michael. I don’t know what to do.

[all laughing]

Douggie McMeekin (as Tindaro): I don’t know what to do.

[object clattering]

Amar Chadha-Patel (as Dioneo): Sorry.

[object clattering]

Amar Chadha-Patel (as Dioneo): God**** it!

[all laughing]

Douggie McMeekin (as Tindaro): It’s got my tongue! My tongue! 

Woman: … selfishly and stupidly. Ugh. ******* hell. What is it?

[both screaming]

Jessica Plummer (as Filomena): The absolute depths of hell.

[screaming]

Tanya Reynolds (as Lisca): You are not my ******* sister. 

Saoirse-Monica Jackson (as Misia): Des-recruited?

[all] Desecrated.

Saoirse-Monica Jackson (as Misia): Sirisco des-recrated …

[all chuckling]

Saoirse-Monica Jackson (as Misia): Is that not right? We were kicked out because Sirisco desecrated —

Saoirse-Monica Jackson (as Misia): Oh God!

[all] No! You got it right.

Douggie McMeekin (as Tindaro): One, two, three …

[all] Panfilo-man!

Saoirse-Monica Jackson (as Misia): Oh, I didn’t get to do it.

[Douggie chuckling]

Zosia Mamet (as Pampinea): Want to do it again? OK.

Saoirse-Monica Jackson (as Misia): Yeah.

[all] One, two, three, Panfilo-man!

[hawk screeching] 

Tony Hale (as Sirisco): Fly, Fortuna! Fly!

[all laughing]

Tony Hale (as Sirisco): Fly!

Man: We’re still rolling.

Zosia Mamet (as Pampinea): Oh! You’re welcome, blooper reel!